1) Take advice from people whose life you’d be happy living Everyone has different advice to offer and there will always be someone criticising whichever decision you make. Something that stuck with me is to take advice from people that don't inspire you with a pinch of salt. After all, why would you follow someone's life advice if you wouldn't want to have the life they're leading? Don't fear judgement from people that don't inspire you at all; some of the most judgemental people I've come across are those I would hate to end up like, and thus there's no point trying to change their minds or become like them if I have no desire to live like them. Instead, focus on the advice from those that inspire you.
2) Be kind to everyone
This is something that my parents always said to me growing up, whether it be with teachers who didn't like me or following arguments with friends. It was instilled in me to never burn bridges as it's a small world and you never know who you'll need in the future. Admittedly, the British culture helps when it comes to being polite and respectful, but more than that it's important to not talk poorly about others, especially those you consider friends.
3) Distance yourself from competitive ‘friends’
Over the past year or two, I've thought extensively about my friendships. Some of my closest friends that I had pictured always being there have put no effort into maintaining the friendship, others have been consistently rude or put me down, and others still have appeared very friendly but then become super competitive with me and wanted to 'beat me' at anything I was doing of my own accord.
I always thought that the friends you can turn to when you're sad are the true friends, however I've since learnt that actually that's very easy to do - after all, misery loves company. Instead, it's the friends who are genuinely excited and happy for you when you receive some good news that are your true friends. I remember when I found out that I'd gotten the grad scheme I wanted, one friend asked what my salary would be and in front of another friend said: 'as if out of the three of us, you're the one who'll be earning the most'. This same friend has consistently made similar comments and I've tried hard to cut them out of my life. These types of friends don't want the best for you and I noticed that I'd often come away from a catch-up feeling drained, rather than excited. I've also noticed that there are girls-girls and boys-girls. The former support other girls and want the best for them, the latter more so want to fit in with the guys and don't prioritise other girls at all.
Since working in London, I've really noticed how I feel after spending time with different friends and I've noticed that often it's with school friends that I feel the most relaxed around and whom I laugh the most with. If you consistently leave catch-ups with certain friends or friendship groups feeling drained, I'd recommend cutting them off. Instead, focus on spending more time with the people you love and who bring you a lot of joy and invest in these friendship.
4) Don’t settle
This applies to everything - jobs, relationships, and friendships. If you feel in your heart that you can do better, settling will cause cognitive dissonance and slowly eat you alive (or affect your mental health) until you are forced to change it. This doesn't mean that you shouldn't compromise, it just means that where it matters, you should aim high.
5) Learn to love things that don’t cost much
I love this phrase, which is essentially another way of saying 'enjoy the little things in life'. Not only is enthusiasm for the small things contagious, making you more pleasant to be around and more endearing, but it's these moments that will matter the most to you when you're on your death bed - the sunsets, rainbows, dinners with friends, holidays with family etc, not the expensive house or car you've invested in, or your career.
After my break-up in January, I have written five things that I am grateful for every day and it has helped me to be present, as well as to see the glass half-fall - I would strongly recommend trying this if you're in a bit of a slump!
6) You don’t need to get to your next milestone to be worthy
I read this in a book recently and it really stuck me. Sometimes I feel that I have to be achieving something (whether that be passing exams, doing well in my career, being in a relationship, or training for a marathon) in order to feel accomplished and worthy, whereas in reality, trying your best is enough. More than that, just being is enough.
7) Floss
This may sound obvious, but I didn't floss whilst I had braces as a teenager so I got out of practice and sometimes my gums would bleed while brushing. Then a few years ago my dentist recommended flossing and from one day to the next I started flossing daily again; it genuinely changed my dental hygiene completely, as although it was pretty good before, since flossing daily my gums haven't bled at all and my teeth are much less sensitive.
8) Doing a bit imperfectly is better than doing nothing
At the time of writing, I'm currently reading 'Atomic Habits', a book about the easiest ways to create new habits. One idea it mentions is that many people hold off on things until they can do it 'perfectly'; for example, someone who wants to eat healthily may delay the start until after their birthday as they know there will be cake there. However, it's better to start eating healthily immediately, with the odd slip-up, than not at all in the hopes of doing it perfectly later.
9) It takes 10,000 hours to master something
Similarly, it takes roughly 10,000 hours to master something. Whether you would like to be great at your job, learn to speak a new language fluently, or learn to perfect an instrument, the time needs to be put in. Generally, you are not going to be innately good at something without putting in the hours, which may sound daunting, but can also be motivational in the sense that you can do anything you put your mind to, as long as you're prepared to put in the hours. This is also why it's better to do something for a couple of hours, even if imperfectly, than delay something until it's perfect.
10) Read more fiction
I love reading, however I feel that fiction is often looked down on by certain readers. Although I like to read a selection of both fiction and non-fiction, I feel that fiction is underrated - it opens your mind, makes you more empathetic as you're able to understand more nuance in seemingly regular situations. I have found countless new perspectives on different topics, such as war and immigration, especially through historical fiction novels. Moreover, fiction can be a great escape from your own life and can be very fulfilling and captivating. It always shocks me when people don't understand how books can be scary - they elicit emotion in the same way that watching a film does for me.
11) Routine helps mental health
Throughout my 25 years, I have been very lazy to very organised and everything in between. Although I am innately fairly organised, for some reason unbeknownst to me, I don't like being perceived as organised (perhaps because I associate it with being boring), however I am slowly learning that there is nothing inherently bad with being organised and having good habits - in fact, being organised can be a way to be more carefree and hectic at later points, and a lot of exciting experiences require at least some extent of organisation, although there is definitely a balance that needs to be found (at one point I had my weekends booked up for up to 4 months in advance, which didn't allow for much spontaneity and I wouldn't recommend).
12) Appreciate your friends
I recently read that 'friends will help to heal a heart that they didn't break' and this could not be truer. When I broke up with my ex, one of of my friends hand-delivered my favourite flowers, cupcakes, hot chocolate with whipped cream and marshmallows and a card. Another took me on a date, turning up with flowers in my favourite colour and a card, and treating me to a multiple-course Italian meal (with cocktails), and theatre tickets (the seats were a few rows from the front and she even bought me a programme). Other friends regularly checked in and offered trips to keep me busy. One of my closest friends came round for hours just to keep me company, and her mum even offered for me to stay at theirs if I wanted a change of scenery. When I was very stressed during exam season, whilst living alone and buying a house, one friend knitted me a scarf in my favourite colour and bought me doughnuts. Obviously, these are quite extreme cases and not everyone needs to go above-and-beyond to be a great friend, but it really does showcase who is willing to go the extra mile for you. Even at work, some colleagues have randomly turned up with treats for me or I've come in to find my usual assortment from the kitchen awaiting me on my desk. Moments like these really show how valuable friendships are and how much better they make your day-to-day life; and it's friends like these that you should invest your time and energy in the most.
Of course, there have been different friends that were very disappointing in times like these, and others that needed to be cut off rather than appreciated. I noticed one friend never actually asked how I was doing or anything other than how it was going with my boyfriend. One close friend didn't check in at all after I told them about my break up. I remember an instance in which someone was bad-mouthing me constantly, and whilst one close friend told them to keep my name out of their mouth, another close friend actually believed them. Times like these are important for discovering who genuinely has your back.
That said, you need different friends for different things, it's impossible for one friend to do it all, but friends have always meant a lot to me and I value some of them as highly as I do family.
13) Appreciate your family
I genuinely believe that your relationships are the most important things in life, and your family are some of the only people that will (hopefully) always have your back and love you unconditionally. I'm so lucky to live in the same city as my immediate family and I know without a doubt that they would take a bullet for me (and I, them). Many young adults focus on improving their own future prospects and not making time for their parents, without realising that their parents are also ageing and that tomorrow is not guaranteed.
Even as a teenager I was very proud of my parents for coming to London as teenagers with nothing, and working very hard to build up everything that they have. They have done more for me than I could ever know and since moving out, I've tried to make a conscious effort to see them as much as possible. At the time of writing, my brother is currently living next door, and whilst we fought constantly as children, we have gotten much closer as adults and seen each other grow up. I've always said that I'd hate to be an only child and feel that the relationship between siblings is so unique that I wouldn't want my child(ren) to experience life without a sibling. My family would go to the end of the world and back for me and I will forever appreciate them.
14) Forgive your family
As a teenager, my parents did a lot of things that I didn't agree with (read: not letting me go out whenever I wanted). Although I still disagree with some stances that different family members have and feel that certain situations could've been handled better whilst I was growing up, I feel that it is important to let go of any anger or resentment towards family members (provided that they're not causing any harm) as it is likely that these family members were doing their best with the information that they had at the time.
I felt that my parents were fairly strict when I was a young teenager, and whilst they've seen me change as I've grown older, I've also seen them change as they've gotten older, and it's important to remember that everyone is on their own path and learning at different rates.
15) Exercise consistently
Although I was involved in various rogue sports growing up (from scuba diving, to fencing, to horse riding), I never dedicated myself to a certain sport for years or cared about exercising regularly as a kid. I got into running as a teenager, and would stick with it for a few months, then stop for a few months, over and over. During my Master's, I joined a gym and since then have always made exercise a priority, whether it be training for a half marathon, doing 8000 steps a day, or joining ClassPass. It doesn't matter what it is, as long as it gets your body moving regularly.
16) Good eating habits are very important
Again, this may sound like I'm stating the obvious, but so many people have unhealthy relationships with food, from eating too much to not eating anything at all. I went to an all-girls private school, so have seen a plethora of relationships with food and I cannot emphasis enough how important a healthy relationship with food is - I would hope that as a parent, providing my child with a healthy relationship with food would be on the forefront of my mind.
17) Slow down
Growing up, I felt that there wasn't enough time for me to achieve everything that I wanted to in this one life and that there were constantly a million things that I had to be working towards at any given moment in order to feel satisfied and that I'd lived life to the full. I resonated a lot with the song 'Vienna' by Billy Joel, which states that 'when the truth is told, you can get what you want or you can just get old' and I felt that many people just wasted their lives away. However, I've since learnt that there's more to life than experiencing and accomplishing as much as possible and that actually, 'don't you know that only fools are satisfied?' - living in this way doesn't lead to satisfaction and success, but burnout and depression. Life's not a race or a tick-box exercise, work hard but also play hard and focus on what really matters, such as the relationships in your life.
18) Life is short
This slightly contradicts the previous item of 'slowing down', but I do strongly believe that there's a balance to be sought, and that whilst life shouldn't be rushed and you shouldn't constantly be anticipating the next thing and living in the future, it is also important to realise that the future isn't guaranteed and that you only have one life. So make the most - travel, sky dive, get out of your comfort zone and have fun. Don't wait around for life to happen to you - seize it by the horns and create your own opportunities. You could be diagnosed with a life-changing illness tomorrow, and then what? I have an entire blog post dedicated to this topic.
19) The best people you meet will come when you least expect it
Everyone is well aware of the butterfly effect, and I've found that some of the best people I've met or funnest experiences I've had have been as a result of something seemingly unimportant happening, such as a surf lesson getting delayed (which ultimately led to me meeting my boyfriend) or picking up a book on the brain (which led me to changing my degree and thus my whole university experience). You can't plan out your whole life and often it's the 'irrelevant' things that end up having the biggest impact on your life.
20) Work isn't everything
I have had various friends who couldn't hold a conversation with their dads. These friends are mostly from privileged backgrounds, who attended 'good' schools paid for by their fathers who were partners in banks, law firms, or other corporate entities. The fact that their dads worked so much that they couldn't even hold a conversation with their children was shocking enough to me that it altered my entire perspective on work. At school, I was convinced that going to Oxbridge for uni, then getting a grad scheme in a bank/consulting firm/law firm (or becoming a doctor) would be the key to success. And whilst these things definitely increase your chances of obtaining financial freedom, I definitely wouldn't consider myself successful if I didn't have a relationship with my children.
Being rejected from Cambridge was one of the best things that could've happened to me, as although it felt crushing at the time, I had applied for all of the wrong reasons and it taught me that the beaten path wasn't necessarily the best for me. I had applied to study Neuroscience at every other university, however Cambridge only offered Natural Sciences, so I applied regardless of the fact that during the first year I'd have to study modules that I had no interest in. I'd applied to Trinity College for no reason other than the beauty and prestige of the college. I wanted the social experience of a regular university but I also knew without a doubt that had I been accepted to Cambridge, I would have gone, regardless of what I'd actually have enjoyed the most. This experience taught me that there were more ways to 'do' life than what I'd been led to believe.
A career will rarely bring true happiness, and when you think of what you love the most about your closest friends and family, their career probably doesn't even make the top 10. Work to live, not the other way round.
21) Life is about relationships, not money
Similarly to work not being everything, money too is not everything. I've met people from a wide range of socioeconomic statuses and although I definitely think that money can solve the most basic problems, such as providing food and shelter and paying the bills, I learnt fairly early on that money does most definitely not buy happiness. Some of my happiest moments have been in situations which required little to no money, such as hanging out with friends or being surrounded by family over the holidays. Life is about the people, not money.
22) Get the tattoo
Tattoos don't have to be deep and meaningful and it's likely you won't regret it. Think it through for a few months (when you're in a good head space) and if you like it, get it. When you're old and wrinkly, you'll look back fondly on the memories the tattoo provides and remember what was important to you in that stage of life.
23) You will always have problems
Life is never going to be perfect and getting a certain job/house/partner won't suddenly make you happy. Everything has downfalls; if you buy a house, there will be unexpected maintenance costs or noisy neighbours, a new partner will have certain habits that annoy you, a new job could come with micromanagers or competitive colleagues. Even if everything is going perfectly and you have no exams, no relationship drama etc, there's always something else you could be focusing on, whether it's learning to speak a new language, eating more healthily, or reaching out to long-lost friends. There is no end-goal which will lead to happiness so appreciate the little things and just enjoy the journey.
24) Go to therapy
Going to therapy has always been something I've wanted to try - I only started this year but have always thought that everyone could benefit, whether you have specific issues you'd like to work through or not, and it never hurts to have a sound board in order to help you think clearer or see things from a different perspective.
25) There are benefits to growing old
I used to panic when I thought too much about death, and I couldn't see any benefits to ageing. In my mind, everyone over the age of 30 wanted to be in their late teens/early twenties and they were without a doubt the 'peak' years to me. That is, until my dad told me that he has found each age to be exciting in different ways. As a child, you're growing so much each day, then as a teenager you're experiencing your first taste of freedom, in your twenties you're choosing the direction you want your life to go in and having fun, however after that there are many other experiences that come with age and are equally as exciting, you find yourself excited by the prospect of raising a child, renovating a house, starting your own company, or meeting your first grandchild. There's still enough time for a career change, to write a book, or to live abroad. Life doesn't stop once you hit 30 and in fact, it can offer more opportunities as you are more self-assured and financially free. Ageing can be a beautiful and exciting process and is simply what you make of it.
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