DON'T PROCRASTINATE THE SMALL STUFF This one is about all of the things that we know are good for us and have been told to do since childhood. Things such as exercising regularly, making your bed in the morning, reading regularly, and flossing daily. None of these things are particularly difficult and yet so many people struggle to do them consistently. Each of these tasks can be completed very quickly and by achieving many small goals every single day, you become more disciplined and motivated and therefore less likely to procrastinate the bigger, more difficult tasks in the future. Looking after your health by doing small things each day such as eating a piece of fruit and going on a walk, will lead to long-term health benefits and greatly improve your mood too.
BE POSITIVE Think of the people in your life that you most enjoy being around, or people who have the most friends and leave others feeling happy - are they bubbly and positive or miserable for the most part? Most of these people will be optimists. Likeable people win, and multiple studies have shown that it is the people who are more positive and charismatic that have the most success in life. Nobody likes to be around grumpy people who complain often, and anxiety-ridden people can appear unapproachable and make others feel stressed too, whereas enthusiasm can be contagious. For the past few years I've kept a jar in which I write all of the most exciting things that happen to me throughout the year, and come New Year's Eve, I read them so I always go into the New Year feeling excited and optimistic. My motto is that everything always works out in the end, and this has led to a much more stress-free life compared to some of my friends. In fact, some of my uni friends would get annoyed that I would be excited for exams or that nowadays I am one of the few people that genuinely loves their job. I've found that being stressed doesn't solve anything and rarely helps outside of life-and-death situations. Interestingly, the physiology between feeling nervous and excited is very similar, and simply telling yourself that you are excited for something when you feel nervous about it can calm your nerves and make you genuinely feel excited. This technique comes very naturally to me now and is how I've come to be excited by 'scary' things such as exams and extreme sports.
SET GOALS I am someone who makes lists of everything and sets many goals, including New Year's resolutions and Bucket Lists. This is how I've managed to travel so much, read over 80 books in a year, and learn new skills, such as coding, skateboarding and how to solve a Rubik's cube. I recently read 'The Defining Decade', which shows the importance of setting goals in your twenties, as otherwise you are simply going through life without much direction and growth. Often people just wait for things to happen and assume that they're unlucky when they have fewer successes than their peers, however it's much easier to just sit back and do nothing. At uni I'd always find it amusing when people would want to go on many holidays, road trips, and do other fun activities with their mates but never organise anything, just expecting things to happen at a 'good time'. The truth is, there's never a 'good time' for most things, so taking a proactive approach and just saving dates and setting goals is the only way you will get out of your comfort zone and accomplish big things. I look at my annual resolutions frequently throughout the year, and if I see that I haven't achieved something, I consciously work towards it. For example, I'd wanted to donate blood for years but had never gotten round to it until 2020, when it was a resolution of mine. Without goals, I'd instead use all of my free time seeing friends and relaxing, which whilst being important, are not all there is to life. It's important to get out of your comfort zone as this is how you grow and become more confident; for example, networking can seem daunting at first but once you've done it a couple of times you realise how non-intimidating it is and it's one more thing you feel relaxed about and confident in. Goals can be as big or as small as you want and give your life direction and purpose.
ALWAYS BE WILLING TO LEARN I've noticed that many twenty-something year olds, and even teenagers, are very afraid of failing when learning something new. Kids are often willing to try many new sports and activities, whereas adults can be much less confident when learning a new language, sport, or instrument. Even in the workplace, young professionals feel embarrassed when they err, and feel incompetent when they're given negative feedback. What they forget is that their seniors have several more years of experience and aren't expecting perfection from a newbie. Studies have shown that it takes 10,000 hours to master any skill; it is therefore nonsensical to expect to be fluent weeks after learning a new language, just as you wouldn't expect someone who's never played an instrument to perform a concerto in a few months or someone who doesn't exercise to run a marathon within a couple of days. All of these things take time, and big successes are such because they don't come easy. As someone who's childhood was spent trying a wide variety of activities, from fencing to horse riding to drawing, and then spent years working through the grades on the piano and trying to speak other language more fluently and constantly trying new activities, there are always going to be people who have dedicated more their time to only one area and will of course be better than you in that skill. But that is no reason to not learn new skills and try new things. Confidence is bred from having real experiences and the only way you can improve in something is to actually practice it. This means starting, learning from your mistakes, and gradually improving. It will then allow you to have real experiences and skills that others don't, simply because they thought it was too late to learn. I only started skiing aged 8 and my parents in their 30s, playing the bass aged 12, surfing aged 15, reading 'the classics' aged 19, and skateboarding aged 22. At the moment I'm training for my first half marathon. This is only to say that not everything has to be learnt as a child, It's simply a case of putting the 10,000 hours in (if you want to master the skill). For me, I simply want as many experiences in this life as possible as I've found that I am happier and more confident when I achieve my goals and try new things.
HAVE FUN This may sound contradictory to the first and third points, but hear me out. The most important thing in life by miles is your relationships with others, including family, friends, and even strangers. Therefore, it's essential to invest time in them and prioritise people as much as possible. You may be thinking 'wasn't the point of setting goals to be focussed and not see my friends 24/7?' and no, it isn't. Parkinson's Law dictates that tasks expand to the time allotted to them. Therefore, if you give yourself 7 hours to study, it will take you 7 hours to study. Contrarily, if you give yourself 4 hours to study and 3 hours to see friends, it will take you only 4 hours to study. In my third year of uni, many of my friends spent the vast majority of their time studying in the library instead of spending time with their friends and they nowadays say that they wish they regret spending so little time socialising. Even at the time this annoyed me, as it was so obvious to me that revising 24/7 wasn't productive in the least, and it was far better to balance revision with seeing friends too. This is why setting goals is important, as it will allow you to feel fulfilled in many aspects of your life and allow you to prioritise your time. For example, I use my mornings to do the 'boring' stuff such as exercising, reading, and studying, but always keep my evenings free for socialising and relaxing. There is always time for everything, and better still, being busy forces you to work efficiently. Once again, I want to emphasise that making time for socialising and other things that aren't 'productive' is just as important as making time for work and personal development. Making time for friends and family not only will help to develop your social skills but will also leave you feeling much happier. Life is to be enjoyed and you should enjoy it as you go along, instead of working like a dog during your youth with the idea of enjoying your potential retirement (newsflash: you could die tomorrow). This is why I travel as much as possible now and tick things off my bucket list when the opportunity arises; waiting for a 'good time' that might never come could just lead to regret. This doesn't mean that everything has to be done ASAP, but making goals will ensure that each year your develop new skills and have new experiences. Obviously experience (and repetition) breeds expertise so balance work and fun (but remember that the work will always get done in the end, especially if you follow the first point).
BE INTERESTED IN PEOPLE One of the nicest compliments that I have received was when a friend described me as a good conversationalist, and that made me reflect on how I socialise with others. Following on from the previous point, I've realised that prioritising relationships, including reaching out to colleagues at work for coffees and actually meeting up with old friends when they pop into your mind, is a hell of a lot easier when you are genuinely interested in people. In my third year of uni, I was told that I always remember such small and seemingly irrelevant parts of what people tell me and that I ask a lot of questions. I very quickly learned that people love talking about themselves, and the quickest way to tell if someone is interested in you as a person is whether they ask you questions or not. Often teenage boys, and even men in their twenties are shockingly bad at this and have no idea how to hold a conversation once the other person stops asking questions. If you are genuinely interested in people, you will naturally ask questions and holding a conversation will become second-nature. It also helps if you have interesting things to say, which is where having goals and learning new things comes in handy. Holding a conversation with someone who has no opinions, hobbies, or passions is like watching paint dry so even if you aren't interested in much, give the other person something to work with. Maybe start following current affairs, or listening to podcasts, as both can help you to gain a better understanding of the world and learn new things. The other big tip I have for when talking to others is to always give people the respect of paying them your full attention when speaking to them (including kids!) as this makes them feel valid and heard. One of my biggest pet peeves is people who are constantly on their phones when with others. Personally, I find this very disrespectful as if I have taken the time out of my busy day to catch up, I appreciate you actually being part of the conversation. Other tips are not to yuck on people's yums and to not speak badly of others as both leave a very bad impression.
SUPPORT YOUR FRIENDS This is in the context of being genuinely happy for your friends' successes. This is a very important lesson to learn and shows who truly wants you to succeed and not. Obviously, in a situation such as when all of your friends are getting jobs and you aren't, it can be difficult, but it is important to remember that other people's successes don't lessen your chance of success and there is enough to go around. Even if you want the same thing, keep working hard for it and don't be jealous. Of course, if you know that you friend is struggling, it's insensitive to constantly rub your successes in their face, but remember that everyone is on their own time and some people peak in high school, whilst others will only get their big break in their silver years.
DON'T COMPARE YOURSELF TO OTHERS Following on from the previous point, it's very easy to compare yourself to your friends, colleagues, and even celebrities, and whilst it can be beneficial if you are trying to emulate qualities that you appreciate in others and are trying to better yourself, it's seldom helpful. Additionally, you can never know every dimension of another person so it's likely that your comparison will be inaccurate, whether you are comparing jobs, relationships, income or looks. Furthermore, each person is multi-faceted, so whilst one person may be a better sportsman and earn a higher income, another may speak more languages and have better social skills. Everyone has different priorities and everyone is on their own time so whilst one person's biggest goal might be to become a billionaire, someone else's may be to visit as many countries as possible, and another person's may be to spend as much time as possible with their kids. There is therefore very little value in comparing yourself with someone who has different priorities to you, and even if those who have the same priorities will have started from different points. One thing to note is that although people often assume that comparing yourself to others implies putting yourself down, some people compare in order to make themselves feel superior to others. This is something that annoys me to no end, as every single person knows something that you don't and can teach you something new, so if you find ways in which you are 'better' than others, you are doing yourself a disservice.
DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT OR STOP COMPLAINING This is self-explanatory and has been a long-term mindset of mine, and prevents prolonged wallowing in self-pity. It ties together many of the previous points, including having goals and being willing to learn, as if there is something you want to accomplish it is important to be proactive in learning how to achieve those goals and making progress towards them. If you want something, such as to ask someone on a date or to swap holidays with a colleague, instead of making a massive deal about it in your head, just ask them. If you don't ask, you don't get, and the worst they can say is no. For example, I wanted to work remotely from Portugal for a month or two but felt that it was too soon to ask my manager since I'd only started work a month beforehand. But I knocked on his door and asked anyway, and guess what, he said it was easier if I stayed in the UK. No worries, I hadn't lost anything since I'd been working in the UK anyway. The thing is, whilst I was discussing this with him, he mentioned a project of his which sounded interesting, and that led to me moving onto a much more engaging project with more opportunities. On top of this, he came back to me a month later saying that in actual fact, I was able to work abroad for a month if I still wanted to. By being proactive instead of complaining or worrying, I seized several opportunities. If you constantly complain that you are unfit or spend too much money, but never take the steps to change this, then not only will this grate on those you constantly complain to, but it won't help the situation at all. Instead, be proactive and work towards the things you care about. To quote Dale Carnegie: 'Inaction breeds fear and doubt. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do you not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy.'
BECOME FINANCIALLY SAVVY. The financial decisions you make in your youth (i.e. before your thirties) are arguably more important than those you will make at any other time in your life. Being financially savvy and understanding the different options out there only takes a few hours but can make an extraordinary difference in your personal wealth. Most importantly, you should try and align your finances with your goals as much as possible. If your priority is to travel, but you find yourself spending all of your money on nights out, then maybe you should think about changing your goals or behaviours. Unlike most of my friends, during my undergrad, I was setting money aside each month for travel, a mortgage, and my pension, because these were all things that mattered to me. I am not interested in material goods for the most part, so instead of spending the majority of my income on designer clothes, cars and other luxury items, I mainly spend it on holidays and socialising. Additionally, it's important to me to have passive income, so I am making financial decisions now that will hopefully make that possible in the future, such as investing and saving up. This doesn't mean that everyone should spend their money in the same way, only that everyone should try and research what options are available to them and align their finances with their goals as much as possible.
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